Bring Me To Life
by SquintandProud-x
Summary: They hadn't seen each other for ten years, but when Buffy and Angel end up going to the same coffee shop, both their walls break down and they find that, even after a long period of time, an old lover can help you back on the road to recovery. ALL HUMAN.
1. Chapter 1

**PART ONE: THE ONLY EXCEPTION.**

_**And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. Because none of it was ever worth the risk. – Paramore, The only exception.**_

* * *

The early morning breeze whipped at my face as I strolled down the familiar street. I shifted my two year old daughter, Ruby, against my chest, angling her face towards me and away from the wind. Her little thumb was secured tightly in her mouth, as always, as she watched me in a great amount of interest that I would never understand. Her blonde locks danced in the breeze. She was heartbreakingly beautiful for a two year old.

Shivering slightly, I picked up my pace as the thought of a warm cup of coffee invaded my slightly sluggish mind. It was only nine o'clock in the morning, much earlier than my usual trip to my local coffee shop, however my little bundle of joy had woke up and refused to go back to sleep, despite my hardest efforts. And sitting in my house wasn't an option. I found that when I was often left alone, my thoughts would spiral out of control. I would over analyse everything, I would force myself to remember certain memories, I would try to live in the "what if" world that sometimes haunted my dreams. It was times like that when I felt like an unfit mother. And _that_ disturbed me more than anything else. My daughter was my world, the only thing that kept me going most of the time, and I wouldn't let my thoughts distract me from giving her a life she deserved.

I glanced down at her and found her looking up at me with her wide blue eyes. I envied those eyes. They dazzled everyone she looked at.

Thankfully when I looked back up, the coffee shop was only across the street. Without realising, my pace picked up once again as the thought of escaping the cold gave me great pleasure. Within moments I was enclosed in a whirlpool of warmth mingled with the beautiful scent of freshly baked muffins and coffee. I breathed in and found myself unable to contain the grin that was spreading across my face.

"Momma, muffin," Ruby mumbled against my neck.

"Sure thing, sweet pea," I replied.

I headed straight to the counter, clocking an empty table tucked away in the corner that I was going to claim after I had ordered.

Today it was Claudia who was taking the early shift. She stood picking at her nails, looking mind-numbingly bored. Her black hair was shoved up into a rough ponytail and her makeup was poorly done, though I knew that Claudia had issues with arriving to work on time and often had to rush. After noticing me from the corner of her eye, she straightened up as a huge smile grew across her face. Unlike the usual smile the employers had to greet their customers with, this wasn't forced.

"Buffy! How are you? Bit earlier than your usual session, huh?" Claudia greeted.

"Hey. I'm great thanks, just tired you know. And yeah, cheeky chops here wouldn't get back to sleep," I said, nodding down at Ruby.

Claudia chuckled as she reached across the counter and gave Ruby a little pat. Claudia was fond of Ruby, though she had briefly mentioned that after her miscarriage a few years ago children were now out of the question for her. Even though she never explained why she wouldn't try again, I figured she feared dooming another child with the same fate as the last. I sympathised for her.

"Cup of coffee, no sugars? And a chocolate muffin?"

"That'd be great," I smiled in return.

"I'll bring them over to your table in a few minutes," said Claudia.

I thanked her, pushed Ruby into giving her a thank you, before heading over to the table I had spotted earlier. I settled down at the table, allowing Ruby to curl up on my knee and hide her face in my blouse. Her thumb still remained in her mouth.

"Oh no, don't you think about going sleep on me missy! It was _you _who wouldn't go back to sleep," I moaned, poking her gently in the stomach.

She giggled and spared a moment to look up at me, fluttering her long eyelashes in an entrancing way. I pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, before resting my chin upon her windswept blonde waves, cuddling her closer to my chest. Ruby allowed her head to drop back against my chest, her thumb never departing from her mouth.

Claudia walked over to the table a few minutes later, her hip swaying as she set the tray down. She flashed me a smile and turned on her heel. She was just about to walk away when she paused, turning back round to face me.

"I'll pay for this one, Buff," she smiled.

"No, Claudia, I have the money … it's fine, honest!" I exclaimed in honest shock.

I hadn't expected that, an act of kindness from someone who barely knew me, and even though her generosity warmed my heart, I couldn't accept her offer. However it seemed I didn't have a choice.

"Too late, I've already paid for it," replied Claudia.

And with that, she returned to her place behind the till as the door swung open for the first time since I had entered. I didn't look up to survey the other customer, I merely pulled Ruby's muffin towards me and began tearing it into small chunks for her. This seemed to capture her attention and, for the first time since we had left the house, she pulled her thumb out of her mouth, extending her hand towards the muffin. Although, the moment the customer spoke, the chunk of muffin fell from my prying fingers as I sat in total shock.

I would know that voice from _anywhere. _Even if I was deaf, I would still be able to pick it out from the crowd. Once upon a time that voice had been the most beautiful sound in my entire world. It wasn't a sound that I was going to forget; no matter how hard I would try, it would still be permanently etched into my brain and heart forever.

I spun around in my seat, still holding onto Ruby as she smeared the chocolate muffin across her face, and watched him in total concentration. I watched as he rocked back and forth on his heels, his hands in his pockets, waiting for his order. I wondered if he had ordered in or to take away. For some reason I yearned for him to be staying, even if just for a few minutes, because those few minutes would be just enough.

And, as if a fairy godmother had heard my wishes, Claudia returned with his order. A mug of a steaming hot liquid and a bagel, none of them prepared to take away.

He turned, securely gripping his tray, and steadily glanced around the coffee shop. As soon as his eyes fell on me, I saw his hands quiver and I hoped to God he wasn't clumsy enough to drop the tray. Thankfully, he composed himself quickly, gripping his tray firmly once again.

His endless brown orbs roamed over me, the corner of his lips tugging upwards into a smile, until his eyes fell on Ruby and he became wary slightly. Bravely, he walked over and dropped himself down opposite me.

We sat in silence, observing one another, each of us trapped in unavoidable thoughts.

I was reliving a lifetime of memories, some good and some bad, barely part of reality anymore … until Ruby began to tug at my blouse, unhappy at the fact she couldn't reach her next chunk of chocolate muffin. He must have figured what she wanted before I did because he reached across and passed her a chunk, smiling sweetly at her. Ruby took it shyly.

"Angel," I finally whispered.

"Buffy."

Ten years ago, when I was sixteen, this man had been the centre of my world. We had fallen in love quickly and deeply. We were inseparable. And, back then, I could never have pictured my life without him.

"Your coffee is going cold," he commented lamely.

I rolled my eyes. He smirked.

Adjusting Ruby on my knee, I reached forward and picked up my mug. I watched him over the rim of my cup as I happily swallowed up the whole contents of the mug. I placed the empty mug down.

"So, who does this little beauty belong to?" Angel asked conversationally, raising his mug to his lips.

I paused for a moment.

"Me."

His eyes widened slightly as he lowered his drink. "Yours?"

I nodded.

"Wow. I remember when you said …" Angel trailed off, looking down at his hands.

I was confident he was thinking about the time when I promised the only child I would ever carry would be his own. That was during the times when I believed Angel and I would be together forever, get married and have children, own that house with the white picket fence. Of course it was a dream, far from reality. And I couldn't help but be a little surprised that he remembered those words. They seemed such a lifetime ago.

"I hadn't expected children, not after –"

Angel interrupted me. "You don't have to explain," he paused. "She's such a beauty. Those eyes…"

"I know," I whispered.

We dived into an awkward silence, neither of us certain of what to say to one another. I passed the moment by attending to Ruby, replacing the last chunk of muffin with another, as Angel watched us in curiosity. Finally, before the silence choked me, he spoke.

"I always told you you'd make a fabulous mother."

A faint blush stained my cheeks as I hid my face in Ruby's curls. I heard him laugh softly before taking a sip of his drink. I looked back up at him, finding that I was smiling brightly for the first time that morning.

"She's my world," I replied simply, not knowing another way I could reply.

My eyes fell on Angel once again. I began to study him. He looked no different than the last time I saw him, even though ten years had passed. He was still insanely handsome with his endless brown eyes and matching sculptured hair. He still possessed a shining aura that surrounded him and made him stand out everywhere he went. He had only gotten better with age. His face was matured; however his childish side would often make an appearance every time a smile lit up on his face.

He looked down at his hands, probably slightly overwhelmed by my analysing eyes. I looked away too.

"So how is Joyce then?" Angel questioned in an attempt to start up another conversation.

Without realising so, I winced and looked away. Angel knew, without even asking, that he had said something wrong. He hadn't said anything wrong, as he was only curiously asking a polite question, yet it was the answer that overwhelmed me the most. A thick lump secured a place in my throat, the kind you get when you were forcing yourself not to cry. I shifted in my seat and passed Ruby another chunk of her muffin that she was whining for.

"Alzheimer's," I choked out a few minutes later.

Angel's face dropped. He leant back in his chair, his eyes staring unseeingly before him, tears pooling in the corners. And then he leant forward and took my hand in his, comforting me with his silence and the power of his eyes. I found the hurt bubbling in the pit of my stomach, clawing at my fragile heart, weakened with every time he rubbed his thumb across my skin soothingly. Finally I felt like I could breathe again.

"Do you visit her often?" murmured Angel.

I paused for a moment, chewing gently on my bottom lip, before answering.

"Sometimes. Mostly when I have the strength if I'm being honest. I can't describe how horrible it is for your Mother to look at you and have no idea who you are."

I could remember when the symptoms first started appearing. I didn't think anything of it at first – so what if she forgot where she had put her keys? Or if she forgot what a few of the neighbours were called? It didn't alarm me because it seemed so insignificant at the time. How wrong I was. Slowly she began to lose memory of important things – her birthday, my birthday, even where our house was. And then it was time to take a visit to the doctor. We never knew that the information we would leave with would change both of our lives forever.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," Angel whispered, dragging me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head, my eyes clouded with tears. "Stuff like this happens."

He nodded, knowing full well that he couldn't deny that, and continued rubbing his thumb along my skin, his eyes casted downwards. I was used to this type of behaviour whenever the topic of my Mother's illness arose. Except, unlike Angel, people usually felt as though they had to fill the awkward silence, as though their mumbled words or rushed sentences were more comforting. Silence calmed me. And I'm glad Angel remembered that from when we were young.

"How is your Mother and Father?" I asked politely, interested to find out what had become of two people who treated me as their own.

"They moved over to England a year ago. I haven't seen them since. We do keep in contact though."

I was aware that Giles, Angel's Father, was originally from London, though he had moved over to America during his teenager years. I could faintly remember Giles expressing the desires he held of returning to his home country to me when he gave me a ride home one night. It was one of the final few conversations we ever shared.

"And Cordelia?" I questioned.

Cordelia was Angel's younger sister. She was a few months older than me from what I could recall. Cordelia had been the head cheerleader at our High School, the Queen Bee, and I was one of few girls that hadn't been inspired to be like her. However, behind all the confidence and coldness, Cordelia was a sweet person and she had helped me through a few rough glitches in my teenage years. I would forever be grateful for that.

A smile unfolded across Angel's face, illuminating the beauty of his eyes. It was evident that he held a certain gush of pride for his sister.

"Cordy lives in Miami. She's doing amazing; three beautiful little girls, a steady marriage and a decent job. The old Sunnydale High cheerleader lives quite the wealthy lifestyle," Angel shared proudly.

Even I couldn't prevent the wide grin that danced across my exhausted face. I had to admit I was surprised, as terrible as that sounded, but I was pleased that Cordelia had managed to build a successful life for her and her family. It was a difficult task to shape and mould your life into something you could look at with pride.

Ruby squirmed in my lap, her fingers tangled in her blonde curls. She was becoming restless, though that was probably due to lack of sleep. Turning my attention back to Angel, I found his eyes swimming with a sudden interest. However not a word was spoken between us. He began sucking on his bottom lip. It was quite obvious he was debating with himself.

As though he couldn't contain himself anymore, he blurted out, "Is her father still in the picture?"

He instantly apologised when he saw my face drop. I directed my face away from him, hiding the hurt that swirled in the depths of my eyes. I heard him apologise for the second time, however his voice was distant now, as though I wasn't sat at the same table as him anymore.

"Hey, it doesn't matter," Angel soothed.

Suddenly, Ruby wriggled out of my lap and slid down my legs. She walked around the table, wavering slightly yet keeping her balance, before stopping in front of Angel. I watched in utter amazement. Ruby had never been a confident child; she was quite reserved and shy, so watching her tug on Angel's trousers and hold out her arms to him left me quite shocked.

My eyes fell back on Angel. He looked as surprised as me, however a wide grin broke out across his beautiful face and he seemed truly honoured, as though Ruby had presented him with a very important award. He gently picked her up, after looking at me and silently asking permission, before settling her on his knee. I watched as my daughter instantly curled up in his lap, burying her face into his shirt and returning her thumb into her mouth. Angel pressed his cheek against the crown of her head, his wide grin turning into a small peaceful smile.

And my heart suddenly broke.

I had never realised, never once given thought, to the fact that Ruby probably craved a Father figure. With the absence of her own Father, it made sense for Ruby to feel the desire to cuddle up to the first male she saw. After everything that had happened, I'd been too angry with Spike for what he had done to us, though I had never given thought to the effect it would have on Ruby throughout her entire life. Would she find it difficult to trust men? Would she ever be able to open up and find true happiness with someone, without the constant fear and worry he would leave her? After all, your Father was supposed to be the one man you could always depend on, the one who protected you from the world. And Ruby would never have that.

"Buffy?"

My head snapped up forcefully at the sound of Angel's voice. I hadn't realized my eyes were brimming with tears until Angel became hazy and unfocused before me. I dropped my head, refusing to embarrass myself with my tears, and spent a moment collecting myself. By this I meant removing all disturbing and upsetting thoughts from my head.

"You can talk to me, you know?" Angel whispered across the table, still cuddling my darling daughter. "I know you well enough Buffy. Ten years hasn't changed anything."

He was right. In some ways, he knew me better than anyone else in my life now. The only person who knew me better than him, the person who knew more about me than I knew about myself, now couldn't remember a single detail of her own life – she didn't even remember that she had a daughter. I chomped down on the flesh of my bottom lip, tears pooling in my eyes once again at the thought of the Mother who didn't even know she had a daughter.

Cradling Ruby in one arm, Angel reached across the table and took my limp hand in his. It was warm and smooth. The touch of his skin against mine sent a spiral of electricity shooting through my body. I was suddenly able to recall everything about the two years we had spent together as a couple. It all came flooding back to me – just with a single touch.

"I just … I don't know," I sighed lamely, unsure about where to begin.

He gave me a few seconds, before repeating his earlier question with more interest set in his tone. "Is her Father still in the picture?"

I gritted my teeth, a surge of fury flooded through me, drowning out the pain and hurt. I shook my head.

"What happened?" Angel questioned tenderly, attempting to not sound like he was pressuring me.

I glanced around, trying to buy myself some time from answering a question that needed to be answered. I was slightly taken aback when I realised the many people now taking shelter in the shop with their beverages. I had been wrapped up in my own little world with Angel and Ruby at our little table in the corner. Claudia caught my eye and sent me a quizzical look. I gave her a reassuring smile in return.

"We best order some more coffee," I said, glancing over my shoulder at Angel, "it's a long story."

* * *

**Basically, if I'm being totally honest, this is three thousand words of complete and utter waffle. And I understand that it is boring. But it's the first thing I've wrote since taking a break. So I wanted to post it, just to see if I still had people reading my garbage. **

**Anyway, this is just setting it all out. It's not going to be a long story, it was supposed to be a one-shot but it started dragging, but I'd say up to four/five parts at the most.**

**There will be some fluff, don't worry.**

**Let me know what you think.**

**Thanks. **

**P.S – this is just for me to get back into writing, I will be continuing with my other projects once I get back into the flow. **

**Beth xxx **


	2. Chapter 2

**Remember those walls I built, well baby they're tumbling down. And they didn't even put up a fight; they didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo, I got my Angel now. – Beyonce, Halo. **

* * *

I believed that once you had a child, nothing else would ever come first except for them. You had to be selfless, willing to give up everything for your own flesh and blood, and sometimes people found that more difficult to accomplish than they would think. I had never had a problem with giving up everything for Ruby, not a single regret, and that was because I couldn't find anything else in life that I cherished more than her. She was part of me. And I knew that if my Mother was able to remember her granddaughter, maybe she would have given up certain aspects of her life to put her grandchild first as well.

When I returned with our beverages, Ruby was still curled up in Angel's lap. She looked so peaceful cuddled up with him. Angel also seemed to be comfortable with her as he played with her curls and whispered in her ear. And when she giggled, his face lit up so brightly that I thought I was going to be blinded. It was truly a beautiful sight to witness. And then, before even glancing at his steaming mug of coffee, his white fingers wrapped around the muffin as he dragged it towards him. Before I could offer to give him some space of his own, he began tearing the muffin apart and fed my eagerly awaiting daughter. To me, it was a selfless act.

"What are you thinking about?"

Looking up from the steaming brown liquid that I was sloshing around my cup, I found Angel's eyes roaming me with an interested sparkle.

"Nothing," I smiled.

He nodded, not daring to push me if I didn't want to share.

I loved the sense of familiarity Angel brought with him. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone who knew you, truly knew you, inside out. It had been something that I lacked in my life since he had left ten years ago. Sure, I had a few friends that I cared for, but you'd find that only a few truly special people in your life would ever properly understand you and know the true person that lay within. Angel and my Mother were those people.

"So, what happened, Buff?" Angel asked.

His voice was barely audible, though I heard every word he spoke. My eyes instantly darted back down to my drink, hiding the emotion I was unable to control. A person's eyes are a gateway to their feelings. And no matter how hard I attempted to hide those feelings, my eyes always betrayed me.

I felt my throat tighten, becoming suddenly dry. Without realising, my hand flew up and cupped my throat, massaging it with my numb fingers.

Angel sat patiently opposite me, his eyes never leaving me as I struggled with the intensity that the thoughts of my past brought. He didn't reach out to drown me in sympathy because he knew that sympathy was something that I never wanted nor sort out to receive. He didn't even speak a single word as he knew that it would only delay the possibility of me telling my story even longer. No, Angel just sat in silence. And I found myself thankful for how well he did actually know me.

Slowly my hand fell away from my throat and I found I was able to breathe normally again. I stared into space for a few moments, running through the story of which I was about to share for the first time. I couldn't help but feel nervous, as if by telling Angel my past I was exposing myself. But it was Angel, only Angel, and I trusted him.

"I was abused."

The silence hung thick in the air between us, increasing the volume of the chatter throughout the coffee shop. His pale hand slid across the table and covered mine, squeezing in gently. I didn't look up into his eyes; I knew the sympathy and anger would be uncontrollably burning there.

"I guess love really is blind," I said, chuckling quietly under my breath without humour, "you're so in love, you don't see the person they really are … you only see what you want to. It's so … dangerous."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Angel nod in agreement. And I knew he was giving me his full attention as he always did.

"I knew what he was doing, the cuts … the bruises … broken bones … and I knew I shouldn't have to deal with it, but my idiot of a heart just couldn't let go. I thought it was a one-off the first time, maybe I'd just pushed him too far … the fourth time told me it wasn't."

A string of images invaded my mind, causing me to wince. I knew what I had been subjected to was something I shouldn't have allowed to happen, even after he apologised sincerely over and over again, and it was the thought of how different everything could have been if I had stood up to him that kept me awake at night. I could still remember the horrified stares, the demanding questions, which I was overwhelmed with by others when I had been beaten. I could remember every single excuse and lie I had made up to keep my private life a mystery. But I knew not a single person truly believed what was coming out of my mouth, they would only kid themselves because they didn't want to admit the truth. I never accepted the offers of support and advice, which was quite foolish now I look back, however I refused to admit I was in that abusive situation at the time.

"Maybe sometimes I deserved it-"

"Of course you didn't!" growled Angel.

He slammed his mug of coffee down with an unnecessary amount of force, resulting in the brown liquid sloshing over the sides and spreading across his side of the table. I heard Ruby gasp loudly and I looked up. I was just in time to see Ruby turn and smack Angel on the nose, like you would with a pet dog when you were disciplining it. I was just about to scold Ruby for her rude and inappropriate actions when Angel burst out into a fit of laughter. Tears welled in his eyes as he ruffled her hair, praising her for being such a comedian.

"She reminds me so much of you!" he chuckled, dabbing at his tears with a napkin.

"Well she is my daughter," I said, laughing along.

"Oh, trust me, I can tell."

Once we realised our laughter was attracting stares from all across the coffee shop, we composed ourselves and calmed down. I retrieved some more napkins for Angel to mop up his mess, whilst he finished off feeding Ruby the last half of her chocolate muffin. One point to us for team work.

As I sat back down, sliding the napkins over to Angel, I began to picture my life if we had never separated. It'd be just like this. Being part of a team, taking care of our child in a respectable and suitable environment where she would be loved and adored, being able to be my true self. It all came so naturally with Angel, as easy as breathing. It'd be a better life for Ruby. Yet my time with Angel had been and gone – I'd be surprised if I'd ever got another shot at someone so beautiful and amazing.

"As I was saying before … Buffy, you'd never deserve something as vile as that. You're such a beautiful and bright soul, an amazing Mother that's for sure, with a massive heart … what kind of person like that deserves that type of treatment?" Angel said gently.

I couldn't control the faint blush that stained my cheeks. I looked down at my clenched hands, chomping down on my bottom lip to prevent me from grinning like a complete idiot. I could feel my heart racing in my chest maniacally, overwhelmed by the first unbelievably beautiful compliment I'd received in a long time.

"Always remember that," whispered Angel, reaching across and giving my hand a tender squeeze.

Sudden memories with Angel began flooding back. The first time we kissed, the day he asked me to officially be his girlfriend, our one year anniversary, the first time we made love, the day he sat outside of my house for ten hours straight after we argued so he could wait for me to forgive him. I felt blessed to have shared all these precious memories with him. I felt privileged to say he had once been mine and mine only. I felt honoured to know I had been the girl for him once upon a time. And I felt grateful that he was still my friend, even all these years later.

"So, what happened? How did it end?"

Unlike before, I suddenly felt like a huge pressure had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a lot braver now. Angel had given me the confidence to speak about the past, to banish it from holding me back in life any longer.

"I fell pregnant with Ruby and if I couldn't protect myself … I'd definitely protect her. I wasn't going to doom her to the same life I lead, to put her through the same vile situations. The tiny baby in my belly made me brave," I said, smiling at my beautiful girl across the table.

"Did he know you were pregnant?"

"Yes. I stuck around for a year after I fell pregnant. He had stopped the abuse during the pregnancy, even for a month or two after, but it soon started again … worse this time … and I feared for Ruby's life," I whispered, my hands trembling slightly at the memory.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Finishing off our beverages, I realised Ruby was getting restless in Angel's lap. I voiced this out loud to Angel. He looked down at my little beauty and noticed she was already beginning to fall asleep; her little fingers wrapped around the fabric of his t-shirt and her mouth slightly agape.

"We could go back to my place … unless you were supposed to be going somewhere," I mumbled towards the end.

"Nope, back to yours is fine."

I mentally breathed a sigh of relief, realising I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

I collected the mugs and placed them on the tray, returning them back to the counter where Claudia still stood, continuing to pick at her nails.

"I'll be surprised if you have any nails left," I laughed.

Claudia chuckled and took the tray, dumping it somewhere beneath the till. Her eyes darted towards the door, visibly looking someone up and down, before looking back to me with a cheeky grin on her face. I figured she had been gazing after Angel.

"Taking him back to yours, hey?" she winked.

"Been there, done that," I laughed.

Her eyes stared at me quizzically.

"We dated for two years."

"Lucky girl," Claudia sighed, staring dreamily over my shoulder.

I merely laughed. "I'll see you soon!"

"Yeah. Really soon, Buffy, if you're gonna bring _him _back," Claudia grinned.

I was still chuckling to myself as I left the coffee shop, stepping out into the slight breeze, joining Angel and my daughter. Ruby was completely asleep now in Angel's arms, still continuing to keep a firm grip on his shirt whilst her thumb was now securely in her mouth. Her blonde locks fanned out, blowing gently in the wind, wafting the scent of strawberries up my nostrils. I opened my arms, giving Angel the chance to rest his; however he kept a tight hold on my daughter and protested against giving her up. Shrugging, I turned on my heel and began walking back to my place.

"So, does Ruby remember her Father?" Angel questioned, breaking the silence that hung between us.

"No. Thank god. One day, she'll probably question me … but until then, having just a Momma is all she's ever known," I answered.

"Your inner strength amazes me, it always has. If I'm being honest, I regret the day we ever grew apart …"

My heart ached around the edges a little.

"Me too."

* * *

**I'm back, back, backkk. It wasn't supposed to end here – I had more to go, but my laptop is about to turn its crappy self off so I wanted to at least update before I gave in for the night.**

**I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Thanks for **


	3. Chapter 3

**_We're smiling but we're close to te__ars. – The Script, For the First Time._**

_

* * *

_

Returning into the familiar warmth of my home, I peeled off my coat and folded it over my arm. Angel followed behind me, carrying a sleeping Ruby, who hadn't parted from Angel since we left the coffee shop. As I closed the door behind him, I began to realise how Ruby had never been one to attach herself to people, other than myself of course, and I wondered what had made her so fascinated with Angel. I mentally laughed when I noticed this was something I had in common with my beautiful two year old.

"What are you smiling at?" Angel questioned, a slight smile dancing across his face as well.

"Nothing," I shrugged, walking into the sitting room. "Would you like a drink?"

I hesitated in the centre of the room, offering Angel a seat on the sofa. He sat down gently; worry pooled in his eyes as Ruby shifted in his arms, her eyes fluttering, thankfully she remained asleep and Angel breathed a small sigh of relief. His eyes fell onto me. I was stunned by the tenderness and love that danced in his brown orbs, the almost sparkle that had been lacking when he first arrived in the coffee shop, and I realised the man I had fallen in love with was returning piece by piece.

"No, thank you," he said, answering my earlier question.

I nodded and took a seat beside him on the sofa.

We lapsed into a peaceful, yet not awkward, silence that I found oddly reassuring and relaxing. The familiarity of Angel was what made the silence bearable. My mind fell into a pool of memories that made my tummy squirm with butterflies and my heart race wildly in my chest. Most of the memories I held very close to my heart, especially when I was suffering through the difficult times, because it reminded me of a time when I was truly and undeniably cherished and loved for who I was. It was something that had been missing through the past few years of my life. I had truthfully forgotten that sense of security…

_I mentally scolded myself for being so idiotic. _

_The trees surrounded me, the branches reaching towards me as they frigidly moved in the slight breeze, as the rain began to fall heavier. It was unbelievably cold and even Angel's thick sweater didn't conceal me successfully from the bitter cold. Except the weather was the least of my problems. I now wished I had obeyed my mother's rule to never walk through a forest on my own in the dark. But when you're almost being swallowed up by the wind and rain, a short-cut suddenly seems like the perfect idea, especially when you wanted a quick getaway. _

_I ran my numb fingers through my tangled hair. _

"_I'm such a dumbass," I muttered._

_The reason I had needed a quick getaway was because of the heated argument I just had with my boyfriend. It was pointless and pathetic I had to admit now, obviously this didn't occur to me during the argument and I just continued to shout back. It ended with me storming out of his house and running off down the street, ignoring his protests for me to come back. _

"_OI!"_

_The unexpected yell shocked me back into reality. _

_I looked around, although I was only greeted with darkness. I took a step forward and squinted into the darkness, trying to work out where the yell was coming from. Coming into focus was a sudden figure. I turned on my heel and began to walk quicker with much more urgency than before. I suddenly longed for warmth and safety of my home. As my pace continued to quicken, I mentally began cursing myself for being so damn idiotic to walk through a forest in the dark on my own. There was nothing safe about a forest; the best advantage was that you could hide amongst the trees. _

"_OI!"_

_The booming voice roared again, closer this time. _

"_You can run … but you can't hide!"_

_I couldn't resist the urge to laugh. I wasn't even running. Was this guy reciting lines out of his favourite horror film? Maybe that was where he got his inspiration from to follow a young girl into the forest. I began to chuckle under my breath, suddenly finding everything too amusing for the situation I was in. As I laughed and giggled some more, my pace unknowingly slowed until I was strolling along at a casual speed._

_The wet grass must have muffled his footsteps because I was suddenly shoved to the ground. The vile taste of dirt overwhelmed my taste buds; the smell of freshly cut grass assaulted my nostrils. I grunted, spitting out the taste of dirt in disgust, and tried to clamber to my feet. A sharp kick directed at my stomach had me falling flat on the ground once again with a pained yelp. _

"_Oh, I like blondes," the stranger purred, grabbing a fistful of my hair._

_I began to scream, as I loud and urgent as I could, until I realised this was only encouraging my attacker to tug on my hair more violently. He had a cruel, cold laugh that made a shiver crawl down my spine. He continued to laugh as he threw me onto my back in the damp grass. I tried to push myself up using my elbows, tears pooling frustratingly in my eyes, but my attempts were useless. _

_My heart began to beat rapidly as he straddled me. I struggled beneath his body now pressing firmly against mine, his fingers caressing my face. _

"_It's okay," he cooed._

_He delivered a sharp punch to my face. And again. And again. Soon enough my face became numb and I couldn't feel the continuous blows._

_I closed my eyes, feeling all my faith and hope draining out of my body. My heart ached as I thought about how I hadn't got a chance to say goodbye to anyone, to thank my Mother for always being there for me, to tell Angel how much I loved him. It wasn't fair … life wasn't fair. I just hoped more than anything that they already knew how much I cherished them all. _

_I heard a noise, something that sounded rather like a growl, and I groaned at the thought of getting eaten by a pack of starved Alsatians. Except the growl turned into a yell, and suddenly the weight holding me down disappeared. I opened my eyes._

_Turning my head, I saw a figure on the floor, curled up into a ball, whilst another figure repeatedly kicked him in the stomach and face. When the figure on the floor didn't show any signs of movement, the other figure turned away and walked towards me. I could feel the fear pooling in my stomach again and I clamped my eyes shut. Instead of a brutal punch to the face as I had been expecting, I was lifted off the ground._

_The recognizable scent allowed my insides to stop squirming and the fear to dissolve in my stomach. I began to sob… for almost losing my life, for the pain that numbed my face, and for the reality of the whole situation. _

"_Hey, it's alright, I've got you… I'm going to keep you safe," Angel whispered into my ear, pressing a kiss to my forehead. _

"_I love you," I sobbed._

_Angel's arms were the safest place I knew._

"I've missed you," I mumbled, not really caring about the words that tumbled out of my mouth.

Angel had been a strong figure in my life, someone I could easily look up to and feel so blessed to be part of their life, let alone be their girlfriend. Sometimes all you need is that one person to bring out the beauty in everything around you.

"I've missed you too," he replied softly.

He reached out and allowed his fingertips to gently stroke my cheek, his eyes never moving off Ruby though. A spark of electricity, so strong, so powerful, ignited throughout my body, throughout my soul.

"There's a lot of pain in your eyes," Angel suddenly said, looking up at me.

"I don't understand."

"I don't mean it as an insult," he quickly explained, his eyes widening at the thought of me feeling insulted. "I just meant that you're sparkle is missing."

"My sparkle?" I asked, trying to force myself not to grin like a lovesick puppy.

"The sparkle I fell in love with," Angel answered.

* * *

I gently placed a sleeping Ruby into her crib, covering her with her favourite purple blanket, before whispering "sweet dreams" and departing her room. I returned back downstairs to find Angel examining the various photos that decorated my sitting room. He seemed to take a particular interest in the one where I held Ruby for the first time after she was born.

"Here is the sparkle that I adore so much," Angel said, running her fingertips along the photograph.

"Holding your child for the first time is the most magical feeling," I replied passionately.

"It is, isn't it?"

"You have a child?" I questioned, slightly shocked.

"I did." Angel bowed his head, his fingers twitching awkwardly.

The atmosphere in the room suddenly became very tense. Being around Angel was as natural as breathing; I had never felt awkward or uneasy around him like this before. Needing to escape the uneasiness, I offered to go make us a cup of coffee and something to eat. I didn't wait for his polite protests.

When I returned from the kitchen, I found that my sitting room was empty. I placed the tray of refreshments on the coffee table and headed upstairs, wondering if Angel had decided to explore the rest of my house. Yet the only person upstairs was Ruby, who was still sleeping safe and soundly in her crib.

I returned downstairs and sighed.

I had been through this once before with Angel and it still hurt unbearably... even years later. It reminded me how love gave someone the power to break you.

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_Thank you so much for the reviews! It means so much to me and I'm so glad you are enjoying this story!_

_Happy reading! Xxx_


	4. Chapter 4

**I read your name under words in your elegant hand you probably don't mean now… I fold the letter and think of a million and one thing's that I could have done different. – Snow Patrol.**

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The previous time Angel had left, which had been during my teenage years, I felt like life had stopped and I no longer needed to continue with the usual requirements of living. All my enthusiasm and passion for life slowly drained from my body and mind, leaving me as a useless and empty shell. A part of me died inside the day he left…

_Things had been awfully awkward with Angel for the past month. The most frustrating thing about the unusual silences and constant arguments was that I didn't understand why they had become so repetitive. It was like a continuous battle that I just couldn't win._

_Another school day ended and we drove home in the now usual frequent silence. I had succeeded in scratching most of my bright nail polish off in an attempt to keep busy and had now moved on to actually biting my once colourful nails. I kept shooting Angel glances from the corner of my eyes and realised his face grew into more of a grimace every time I looked. I couldn't continue like this anymore…_

"_Angel, what's wrong?" I asked._

_He steadily pulled up in front of my house, though continued to let the engine run. I felt my insides squirm as I acknowledged this. Usually Angel accompanied me at home after school until it was too late for him to stay any longer. Yet our time together was now limited due to Angel's constant busy schedule, that he remained quite private and secretive about._

"_I think we need to talk, but not here and not now," replied Angel, stroking the steering wheel nervously._

"_No. If you have something to say, then say it," I said, straightening up in my seat. He didn't reply. "Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me."_

_I watched as the frown deepened on his beautiful face. The sudden sense of something bad happening overwhelmed me. The paranoia soon followed. My eyes never tore away from him as he sighed, his lips twitching as though he was finding it difficult to get the words out._

"_I've been thinking … about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair on you," he frowned._

_It suddenly felt difficult to breathe._

"_What?" I choked out, totally and utterly confused._

_I felt a burning sensation within my chest and I wondered whether the pain was my heart ripping in half. I forced myself to take a deep breath and look at him, even though his eyes were fixated on the children running past outside. _

"_You deserve someone who can be there for you-"_

"_What? You are there for me, you always are, even when I don't want you to be," I whimpered_

"_Someone that can keep you safe and protect you-"_

"_Safe? I've never been safer in my life than when I'm with you!"_

_He shook his head._

_The pain continued to burn in my chest, killing me in the process. I gulped down another breath of air and focused on Angel's face, forcing myself not to release the ocean of tears that stung my eyes. I wanted to stay strong, like he was, but it seemed to be getting harder to do so with every second that went by._

_Angel rubbed his hands over his face, though he remained emotionless compared to me. It seemed like he was unaware of any of the words escaping his mouth, as though he was oblivious to the painful torture he was putting me through._

"_You deserve someone better than me," Angel whispered, tightening his grasp on the steering wheel._

"_No, I don't. I could never find anyone as perfect as you! Angel, please," I begged._

_I was greeted with silence, a hard painful silence that choked me with every second that passed. I could feel my head spinning, my stomach churning. It was just a silly argument that would be swept under the rug, never to be mentioned again. It couldn't really be ending… could it?_

"_I'm sorry, Buffy. You know how much I love you. It kills me to say this," said Angel._

_It wasn't killing him. He was still alive. I, on the other hand, was dying inside._

"_Then don't. Who are you to tell me what I deserve?" I snapped._

"_I'm trying to do what's right here, ok? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart," answered Angel, his patience slowly fading._

_My head was almost bursting. Why was he saying these things? I thought we were so strong, so together, like a team. He was my world, my heart. How had everything from the past two years resulted to this?_

"_Are you sure you have a heart?" I hissed._

"_Don't."_

_I unfastened my seatbelt and threw open the car door, stepping out into the blazing sun. It was ironic how beautiful the day was._

"_Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change!"_

_Angel looked down at his hands, hiding his face._

"_I want my life to be with you," I frowned, my voice barely a whisper now._

_Pacing up and down the pavement, I tried to control the overwhelming sensation that was ripping apart my insides. I yearned for a numbness that would save me. Two years, twenty four whole months, and it was ending…_

"_How am I supposed to stay away from you? How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?" I asked brokenly. _

_It was then that he handed me a letter from the glove compartment._

"_Read it when I leave," he instructed._

_I nodded, running my fingertips along the sharp edges of the letter. _

"_Hold out your hand."_

_I obeyed. _

_Angel leant over and pressed something hard into the centre of my hand, before closing my hand around it securely. He then kissed my hand softly, resting his lips there for a moment. _

"_You still my girl?"_

"_Always," I whispered._

_A single tear escaped moments later._

I ran my fingertips along the smooth wooden box. Inside it possessed some of the things I held closest to my heart – Angel's letter and ring, my Mom's final letter, Ruby's birth certificate. It was literally the contents of my heart in a matter where I went, the box was something that always came with me. I lifted up the lid and rummaged around.

Angel's letter was worn and crinkled, as it would be after the many times it had provided me with a sense of security. The ring, on the other hand, looked as new and shiny as the day I had received it. A smile blossomed across my face.

Placing the ring back into the box, I unfolded the letter…

_My girl,_

_I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you this in person and chose to write it instead, though it seemed like the only way. _

_I know that if this letter is in your possession then we've had the conversation I've been dreading for the past few months. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, all the tears you've cried, and the heart that I've broken. None of that was ever my intention because I know I'll love you until my heart stops beating, but this is the way it's just got to be…_

_I found out a few months ago that we're moving half way across the country, no need to say where because it'll be easier for you to let go, and I knew that it would be unfair on you to put you through the annoyance of a long-distance relationship. I know how stubborn you are and you'll disagree, but I've already made up my mind._

_I love you and I always will. No one could ever replace you because I could never cherish anyone else the way I cherish you. You're everything to me; my girlfriend, my world, my heart. I just hope one day that we could possibly make this work again._

_Forever yours,_

_Angel._

I could feel my heart breaking all over again. I traced my fingertips along "forever yours" and smiled. I suddenly remembered one of the last things my Mother ever said to me before she completely forgot me…

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

And I often smiled because I knew she was right.

* * *

I could feel the exhaustion overwhelming me. My eyes felt extremely heavy and my head felt as if it was splitting at the seams. The past few days had obviously had an effect on me mentally and physically, much to my displeasure, though I couldn't entirely understand why. Maybe Angel's brief return had resurrected a lot of negativity that came from my past.

Sleep seemed to be deliberately avoiding me. I was awake until early hours of the morning with nothing to amuse me except poor attempts at comedies on television. Occasionally I would have Ruby to keep me company, cuddling up with her in bed until she fell into a peaceful slumber that I craved so much. After she fell asleep, her thumb securely in her mouth, I wasted the time by thanking God for the beautiful child he had given me, the blessing he had allowed to light up my life. And even though she hadn't been born into a stable family situation and lacked any sort of Father figure in her life, I hoped that she would know in the future just how much I cherished her and the lengths I would go to in order to keep her happy and healthy.

But one night, just as I felt my eyes beginning to close and I snuggled comfortably into the warmth of my bed, there was a knock at the door.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPE 2011 TREATS YOU ALL WELL AND YOU HAVE A SUPERB YEAR!

**One of my New Year's resolutions is to update more often, so here's my first update of the New Year!**

**Hope you enjoy and please, please, please drop a review!**

**xxxx**


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